Child Without Father

Child without father

You separated. How to raise a child without a father? Sociologists, psychologists and educators have written a lot on this topic. I want to say that it is difficult, or rather, impossible, to decide for everyone, to approach this issue in a general way. It all depends on the particulars, details and conditions of existence of a particular family.

However, often the solution to the question of whether it is possible to raise a child without a father is based on two extremes, on two fundamentally incorrect mutually exclusive beliefs, which our society, including other specialists, operates with might and main (depending on the situation).

Postulate one: A child needs a father. Without a father, children will not grow up full-fledged. In principle, of course, this is not without common sense, but that’s it in principle. When you start to move on to specific situations, it’s time to grab your head in a panic: this belief has such serious consequences.

Yes, it is a tragedy when a child grows up without a father. But it is an even greater tragedy when children grow up with a virtually alien father who does not understand or respect their mother and does not love the children themselves.

It is better to have no father than one who threatens the safety of the child. And the desperate step of the mother will not save the situation at all, when she, having nevertheless decided to divorce her husband and father, who is disgusted with her and her children, literally in a matter of days after the divorce, rushes headlong into a new marriage: no matter with whom, but mainly because that children still need a father. And, making a hasty choice (and sometimes simply grabbing literally the first person she meets), she steps on the same rake as in her first marriage. And as a result, the stepfather may turn out to be even worse than the father, especially since children are sometimes presented to him after the registry office.

Postulate two: A child does not need a father at all. His mother can easily replace him.

This belief, which smacks of extreme feminism a mile away, seems to me to have been invented by women who were tired of our social patriarchy. They are tired of the fact that men have the final say both in society and in the family. Then they decided to hit where it hurts: But we know how to give birth and feed children! And since we know how to give birth, we can also raise them, even without you, arrogant, arrogant males!

However, it is better for children to live only with their mother than with a stepfather hastily chosen for the sake of the children, who can also cripple the same children psychologically and physically. It is better to give birth at forty, but in a happy marriage, than at thirty - in order to solve your own problems at the expense of the child. It is better to learn to understand a man than to reject the entire male gender and deprive oneself of natural happiness and harmonious psychological development of children.

How to be? Where is the truth?

Alas, there is no clear answer to these questions. For every family, every mother and every child, this answer is different, its own. But it is still possible to determine some patterns. Yes, it is better for a child to grow up with a father, but if this father causes only moral and even physical trauma to the children, and even to his wife, it is better if the child grows up without such a father.

And if you want your child to receive full development, so that he listens to your advice, so that you have authority over him, the same advice: become happy! After all, the psychological mechanism of action is the same here. Why would a child listen to a tired, exhausted, lonely mother who is angry with the whole world? To arrange your own life in the same absurd way? Well, I do not! Children obey only happy parents.

Only then does parental experience become valuable for the child. And if you eventually find a person who will become your spouse, then the child will accept him as a father. Because from an early age she will know: mother knows how to make life happy. And whatever she does is good!