What is the difference between dependence and attachment

If a woman has suffered emotional dependence in a past relationship, this may make her psychologically immune to similar suffering in the future. She comes to the conclusion that the other side of dependence is her complete independence from a man.

From the point of view of avoiding emotional pain, this is justified. But on the other hand, having built a sarcophagus around herself, a woman will never receive complete satisfaction from the relationship. Instead, she will feel lonely, sad, or even angry.

Sometimes recovery goes through a phase of revenge: a woman who has suffered from love enters into a close, unequal relationship with another man, where she herself is the object of dependence, and unconsciously or consciously tries to take revenge on “all men,” causing mental pain to the new partner.

A healthy alternative to addiction is emotional attachment, which satisfies the same needs, but does it in a more environmentally friendly way.

"Every person strives for intimacy, but at the same time he wants the other to show his vulnerability first. Nothing good will happen this way. We ourselves need to show our desire to show the other our pain points, to tell the other what we need. Only such relationships can to bring healing and build the love we long for..." Saraswati.

Attachment is the desire to establish emotional closeness and the desire to maintain this closeness. A deep emotional attachment with a loved one serves as a support and source of vitality and positive emotions. A secure attachment is experienced as a source of security and joy.

Attachment is only possible between two emotionally mature people. If one of the partners is emotionally immature, this relationship automatically falls into the risk zone. Emotional immaturity is the result of an incomplete stage of separation between mother and child. This problem can be solved with the help of individual or group psychotherapy, as well as special training programs.

Now let's look at the pitfalls of emotional dependence. We can all feel insecure at certain points in our lives, and then we are ready to grab any available means that will guarantee us a sense of well-being and security.

Such situations could be:

1. The period when you are dependent on a man in material terms (apartment, car, money).

2. Low self-confidence as a woman.

3. A man's success in the social sphere and his greater life experience.

4. Constant need for sex.

5. Transferring the image of his father to a man. Expectations of parental care from him.

6. A strong feeling of guilt in front of a man for some action.

7. Experiencing a personal crisis and the desire to constantly receive support from a man.

8. Change of residence, new territory of your habitat.

9. Replacement of one type of dependence, dependence on a man.

10. Your common child.

Note for yourself what traps you are in? And in the next article we will look at specific steps to avoid these pitfalls and get rid of emotional dependence.

Author: Denis Dubravin, emotional intelligence expert