How to deal with aggression?

People often ask questions about whether it is normal to be angry and express aggression? What to do with feelings of guilt when you sincerely spoke out, offended a loved one and the time has come for repentance? All these questions that concern each of us are answered by a practicing psychologist, member of the World Association of Positive Psychotherapy, member of the Ukrainian Union of Psychotherapists Liliya Kopytova.

Let's start with the fact that anger, irritation, aggression are absolutely natural, healthy emotions that arise as reactions to an irritant. As a rule, the idea that aggression is something with a minus sign that should be avoided is formed in childhood, when parents are not ready to face the child’s anger and irritation and try in every possible way to suppress any manifestations of it in him. The most effective parenting method is to help your child understand what he is feeling and give him the opportunity to safely express his emotion. But this is a topic for another discussion.

Today we are already adults, we are responsible for ourselves, we build corporations, bridges, families, but we are very afraid of our own anger, especially its consequences. Once you accept the fact that it is normal to be angry, you need to start monitoring your emotions. In a conflict situation, it is important to see your anger inside and mentally say to it: “I see you.” Don't run away, don't deny, but simply accept this reality. "Yes, I'm a living person and now I'm angry."

After this, it is important to understand that feeling aggression is always normal, but the method of expression must be chosen in a timely and adequate manner. We live in a society that has a set of rules and norms that allow us to function and coexist. It’s scary to imagine a society where everyone expresses their anger to others the very minute they feel it.

I would like to share with you my favorite professional technique for expressing aggression, which helps me personally. To do this, you “need” aggression, the desire to express it, a blank sheet of paper, a pen and 15 minutes of free time. The technique is as effective as it is simple. Write a letter to your offender. Yes Yes. A real letter, with pen and paper. And tell him everything you don’t want, can’t (and do the right thing!) in real life. Don’t be shy in your expressions, you can even swear, you can write in capital letters, you can say whatever comes to mind. Write until you feel better, that this emotion has left your body and psyche and is now showing off on paper.

Now just destroy this letter. You can, for example, burn it - many people do this. There is one main nuance here: when burning a letter, think that you are burning your anger at a specific person, in no case not the person himself, only your anger at him. That's all, actually.

P.S. Mystics say that in some miraculous way letters reach the addressee and change something.

Source: hochu.ua